dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
