I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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