Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
