Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
