Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
