I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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