billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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