i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
