this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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