I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
