There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
