I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
