He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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