I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
