at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
