i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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