dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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