Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
