where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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