just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
