you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
