Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I believe in your delicious
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
