How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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