I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
