Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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