No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drunk is a universal language darling
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
