Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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