He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
