I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
