hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You took a bar mat shot.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
