I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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