omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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