haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
