Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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