So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
