It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
