i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
