I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
