A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
