umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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