How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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