I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He? As in you personified your dick?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
