I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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