we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
