I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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