I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
