dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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