Soap is not a condiment
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
