i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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