Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
