Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
